Children's fears: types, causes, ways to deal with children's fears. Fear of fairy-tale characters Fear of all ages is submissive

Everyone is afraid of something and it does not depend on age. Fear- this is a completely natural and predictable reaction of the body to an irritant that our subconscious mind sees as a danger. But if we can overcome fears on our own, then it is quite difficult for children to do this. They often do not understand what is happening to them. They just feel extremely uncomfortable. You will not be able to conquer all children's fears, because any child has a lot of them. But your task is to learn how to treat them adequately, work them out and try not to become the cause of fear yourself.

Children's fear is a feeling of anxiety or anxiety in a child under 16 years of age. Each age carries its own fears, which can somehow affect the psyche. If you succeed in defeating children's fears, then this will help to grow a bold personality, self-confident and proactive. If you do not pay attention to fear, then the child will not know what parental protection is in full measure and will be afraid of the future in the future. Especially strong and long-term fears need to be worked out.

Where do children's fears come from?

Anxiety, fear and phobia- these are three stages of not only children's, but also adult fear. Some can quickly appear and disappear, others for a long time (sometimes forever) leave a clear trace in the memory. The event is no longer repeated, but the fear remains.

A newborn child does not yet understand cause and effect, that is, is not able to reason logically. Therefore, he fully perceives the world as his parents. Hence the conclusion: parents can transfer all their fears to the psyche of the child as if through a carbon paper. An anxious look and intonation are the threads through which fear is transmitted to the immature mind. Therefore, the most important thing is the reaction of parents to any stimulus. Remember that the child does not care what happened. He will look at his mother and decide whether to cry or not. If she is frightened, then expect the reaction of the child. In addition, there are enough reasons for fear.

Something frightened. Chance is the main cause of children's fears. It could be a loud scream, a scary movie scene, getting stuck in an elevator, trauma to a child or relative, parental fears, a wasp or dog sting, or a funeral. If the parents of the child are people with a stable psyche, non-conflict, calm, positive and self-confident, then it is likely that the fear will be short-lived. If the newborn had quarrels of parents and other traumatic situations, then he gains self-doubt. This means that fear due to a particular case can be firmly entrenched in memory. Such children begin to beware of dogs, insects and often react to any situation by crying.

Fantasy. Often the culprit of children's fear is an overdeveloped imagination. A certain situation happens, and the baby immediately draws the details in his mind. An example is night shadows. A crumpled blanket forms a shadow on the wall and the child in his imagination thinks that it is a wolf or a monster. If he loves cartoons and already has an idea about aliens, then he may be afraid of the moon that shines through the window. At the same time, his fantasy will begin to invent aliens who are watching him. This also includes the fear of Koshchei, Baba Yaga and even Moidodyr. Therefore, it is important to protect the child from the TV and filter his cartoons.

Disorders in the family. Arguing with your spouse is normal. But remember that you need to do it correctly - constructively and in low tones. If every quarrel turns into a scandal with the use of strong words, slamming doors and breaking dishes, it is not surprising that the child will be shy, anxious and capricious.

Disorders in social life. Quarrels with teachers, peers and other people can cause social phobia. The child begins to be afraid of groups and feel constrained. It is not difficult to overcome such children's fears if they are noticed in time. However, it is likely that you will learn about it only after a few years. Also, a child can acquire fears after visiting a children's camp, where children tell horror stories to each other at night.

Neurosis. Sometimes the cause of fear is a psychological deviation, which is called neurosis. It is developed gradually and only if the fears are drowned out, intensified and not worked out.

Reasons why children's fears intensify

Pre-existing fear can be exacerbated by some unfavorable factors.

1. Relatives are constantly afraid of something.

A little tip: work through your fears, open the world to your child from a positive side, focusing on the good.

1. Relatives remind the child of fear or laugh at him.

A little tip: accept the child's fear as your own and do not blame the child for it - he has the right to be afraid.

1. The fear factor is always there.

A little tip: find out what is the cause of children's fears and eliminate it as soon as possible.

1. Parents are too overbearing towards the child.

A little tip: you should be loved and respected, not feared. Try to build friendships by psychologically getting on the same level with the child.

1. Any emotion is punished - the child is forbidden to stomp his feet, beat the pillow, cry, scream (the result - fear takes root and is suppressed).

A little advice: let the child express emotions as he wants. You can't blame for this. Let him stomp his feet, and then calmly say the reason.

1. With the child little talk heart to heart.

A little tip: no matter how busy you are, set aside an hour a day to talk with your child about the day.

1. The child is alone in the family or has no friends.

A little tip: think about the reasons for his isolation, become a good friend to him and he will find comrades for himself.

1. The parents do not understand the child and believe that he is to blame for his fear.

A little tip: do not think that the baby is not listening to you. Understand it yourself first.

1. Mom is exhausted at home and at work.

A little tip: a child needs a cheerful and kind mother, not a draft horse. Change jobs or delegate some of the responsibilities to others.

1. The child is too much loved and cherished.

A little tip: do not protect the child from the outside world, treat him adequately - without extolling above all and without belittling.

1. The child has no father.

A little tip: if a child grows up without a father, be a friend to him and at the same time a protector when he behaves well. And also a good adviser when he has problems. Your task is to be cheerful, despite the difficulties, and to convey this attitude to the baby. In addition, it has been noticed that among positive and vitally active women, the problem of an incomplete family is solved very quickly.

Many of the child's fears arise from the wrong behavior of parents, their anxiety, overprotection or lack of warmth and love. Whatever happens, you must stand up for your child - protect him from the attacks of a neighbor from another entrance or criticism of the teacher in front of you. Sometimes it's enough to say: "I'll talk to him myself", come home and calmly discuss why he behaved this way. Listen and give advice to the child. it The best way become not only a parent, but also a true friend.

Types of children's fears

Psychologists classify children's fears into four types.

fears at night. This includes nightmares. During sleep, the child has involuntary movements- he talks, sometimes shouts, crumples a blanket and a sheet. Occasionally, involuntary urination and manifestations of sleepwalking may occur. When a nightmare occurs, the child either wakes up and runs to his parents in bed, or falls asleep and cannot remember anything in the morning.

Unfounded fears. One of the most common types of childhood fears. The child is afraid of the dark, he is afraid to be alone with himself, he is afraid of cartoon characters or fairy tales, and also thinks out what is not there. At the same time, do not try to convince the baby that his fear has no reason - he will still stand his ground.

obsessive fears. These include the fear of open and closed spaces, flying on an airplane, fears of motion sickness in transport, and so on.

Unexplained (delusional) fears. The child begins to be afraid of something that absolutely does not scare anyone: his doll, phone, slippers. Getting rid of children's fears of this type is easy if you understand the reason. For example, he dreamed that his slippers were chasing him or that a doll was talking.

Manifestation of children's fears in life

How do you know if a child is afraid of something? This can be indicated by a wide variety of signs. A newborn child shows his fear in the only way - he bursts into tears. Older children are already more capable of manifesting their childhood fear.

1. He does not let you go and walks literally on your heels.

1. He hides, hiding in a blanket with his head, or covers his face with his hands.

1. He is aggressive or crying.

1. He is naughty.

1. He draws only with black pencils, depicts monsters, skulls (subconsciously tries to work out fear through drawing).

1. If you ask him to draw his fear, he draws it, and then he is afraid of drawing.

1. He has an obsessive habit - he bites his nails, sucks his finger, fiddles with a blouse or button, does not know where to put his hands, marks time, tries to constantly wash his hands. In this case, it is better to contact a psychologist for elaboration.

How to identify fear? It is best to talk with the child about what he is afraid of, ask him to draw it or compose a fairy tale with himself as the main character. If he starts talking scary story, then it’s better to let the fantasy roam in another direction - ask the child to complete it positively and come up with a good ending, where the child comes out the winner.

All ages are submissive to fear

It is possible to overcome children's fears, provided that you understand what causes them and how to deal with them. Every age is a time of certain fears. Let's see what our children are afraid of at a certain age.

1-3 years

What are. They learn basic life skills, and most importantly - to be themselves. Knows how to distinguish a boy from a girl, an adult from a child and his own from someone else's. They understand that there is a close circle, and there is society. During this period, the family for the child becomes a reliable fortress (if there are no conflicts). If the family is psychologically healthy, then the baby gradually forgets the stress of being born.

What are they afraid of: the same as mom. You are upset - the child is upset. You cheered up again - the child cheered up. A child from 2 to 3 years old may experience fear at the appearance of a second child. Jealousy also appears if parents pay attention to themselves or others. The child may be afraid of the care of the mother or self-falling asleep, strangers, loud or harsh sounds. When the baby takes the first steps, he may be afraid to fall. But this is rather a projection of the parents of their fears on the child.

How to protect from fear. Do not swear in front of the child, thinking that he does not understand anything. The baby instantly feels a tense situation and reacts by crying to a change in the behavior of the parents. If a mother is breastfeeding, she should especially be less afraid and nervous, as fears are transmitted with breast milk. In no case do not allow conflicts with household members about breastfeeding. A healthy atmosphere in the family allows the baby to strengthen his self-position and gain self-confidence.

If a brother or sister is born, children's fears can be overcome by including the baby in the care of the younger one. At this age, it is better not to send the child to the nursery. Remember, the longer you stay with your baby, the better. Try to accustom him to independence as soon as possible and do not overprotect him. Remain calm so as not to transmit fears to the child.

Choose your bedtime story carefully - don't read about Baba Yaga. Stop at the kinder tales of Suteev or Teremka. Give your little one maximum protection. To do this, provide him with love before going to bed, pet him, sing a song, calm him down.

3-5 years

What are. The child is full of feelings and emotions. His emotional sphere expands much, which means that many children's fears appear. He tries to get even closer to his parents and other people's children, whom he declares to be his friends. In this case, friendship can last 1 day. The child learns to understand society, to live in it. He understands that he already exists on only "I", but also "we". He becomes more independent, and his imagination also begins to develop intensively. The baby can try on the images of the heroes of fairy tales or professions.

From 3 to 5 years old, you can observe not only activity, but also irritability, resentment, permanent shifts moods. The baby laughs and immediately begins to cry, if something is not for him. May require you to be with him at all times.

What are they afraid of. That they love him. They love more than the parent of the opposite sex and are afraid of not pleasing him in the first place. Again, the fear of loneliness is acutely felt, so you need to communicate more with the child. Also afraid of punishment, a closed room.

How to protect from fear. Since now the baby is learning to love, it is important for him to set a worthy example. Try to openly show love to your other half, as well as to the child. Kiss, hug, shake - all this is very important now. Try never to speak "you behaved badly, I don't love you"- a child can remember this forever and then a child's fear of losing the love of his parents will appear.

A parent of the opposite sex should be especially attentive to a child at this age. Never lock him in a room as a punishment. Smooth out fairy tales by skipping scary moments. Communication with peers, where the baby shows the whole gamut of emotions, will help to protect from fears as much as possible.

5-7 years

What do they represent. At this age, children begin to divide people into good and bad. The good ones are those who smile and are kind to the child. The bad ones are those who get angry and give injections. Anxiety, suspiciousness, sensitivity may appear.

What are they afraid of. At this age, the child begins to fear that he or his parent will die. If the baby often has nightmares, then there is a fear of falling asleep. Hence the tantrums at night. Also, the baby begins to be afraid of doctors, bites, heights, fire. Fears of the dark, closed spaces, and parental punishment may increase. The child begins to fear the other world. Moreover, this is more pronounced in self-doubt children who were brought up in authoritarian families. Children begin to think about the future and fear it. The example of a strong and courageous father is important for a child-boy, because the first masculine qualities are now being formed.

At this age, fears form a physical impact on the child, punishments, screams. A girl may be afraid of a loud father, and a boy of an authoritarian mother. There is a fear of separation, attacks, war, scandals, being late, waiting, death of pets.

How to protect from fear. To overcome children's fears, try to convince your child that it is safe, to show him that the world is not scary. Do not scold the child if he starts to say bad words. Calmly say that this is unacceptable and try not to pay too much attention to them. Now it is important to traumatize the psyche as little as possible with threats or angry exclamations. If the child is neurotic or hypersensitive in itself, try to keep painful situations to a minimum: give pills instead of injections, read good fairy tales, and so on.

7-11 years old

What are. The child no longer behaves like an egoist. He begins to understand that in society you need to be able to communicate with the surrounding teachers and peers. A sense of duty, obligation, responsibility, discipline begins to develop.

What are they afraid of. The child continues to experience the fear of death. She just worries more about her parents. Begins to fear attacks from strangers, bad grades, fires, robberies. Childish fears become mostly concrete. However, all these fears are not strong, because the school redirects attention from itself to others. But guilt can develop if the child behaves "not this way" or he is not like everyone else.

How to protect from fear. Now you need to take on the confidence of your child to overcome his childhood fears of inadequacy to others. Buy him the clothes that he asks for, try to listen to him more. Do not force him to be friends with those with whom he does not want. Make it clear that he is always loved and expected at home, even if he fails to study and teachers give bad marks. Help him make his own decisions, thank him for his help and praise him for his responsibility, even if it does not appear often.

11-16 years old

What are. This age is the most difficult time. The child establishes his principles, his worldview changes. He starts to think rationally. Sometimes these changes are so lightning-fast that it seems to parents that the situation is getting out of control. The child begins to learn to be himself in interpersonal relationships. Everything depends on his self-esteem.

What are they afraid of. Teenagers are most afraid of misunderstanding. A twofold childish fear appears: on the one hand, the child wants to join the general mass and disguise himself, on the other hand, he tries not to lose his individuality. At this age, it is very difficult to overcome the children's fear of changing their appearance. Girls experience more fear than boys. At 12 years old, children are very emotionally sensitive and you easily hurt them with your words. The peak of anxiety is 15 years. Further, fears decrease. They can be reborn into phobias and obsessive states. The child, among other fears, is afraid of shame and censure.

How to protect from fear. You should increase the self-esteem of a teenager, praise him for good deeds. Girls need to instill the concept of beauty. No matter what, tell your daughter that she is very beautiful. And inspire your son that you trust him with decisions in your life. The more conflicts in a teenager's life, the more fears he has. Try to be more loyal to the aggression and excitability of the child. Now it is important to understand that a teenager is a reflection of yourself. Therefore, first of all, start working on yourself.

Schoolchildren's fears

School fears can be attributed to a separate category of children's fears. For the first time, they may appear in a first grader, when it is still difficult for a child to be separated from their parents. If the parent himself was afraid of school, speaks negatively about it and is afraid of the child's poor grades, he imposes his fear on him. Doing homework instead of children leads to the fact that they cannot be responsible for their actions, they begin to be afraid of making a mistake and rely in everything on the fact that their parents will solve their problem.

The easiest way to cope with fear is children who are accustomed from childhood to remain for some time without their parents. In addition, school difficulties are more easily overcome by kindergarteners. At school, the child tries to adapt to the teacher, classmates. He tries to meet the established requirements.

During your school years, it is important for you as parents not to be obsessed with grades. To overcome childhood fears at school, try to discuss them with your child, be aware of his affairs and do not take on too many responsibilities. Teach your child not only to do homework, but also to devote time to their hobbies and communication with peers.

How not to become the cause of children's fears

It is much easier to deal with various children's fears if you yourself have a firm position. The following tips will help you avoid provoking fears in your child and inspire him with self-confidence.

1. Provide comfort and harmony in the house. Do not yell at the child and household with him. Resolve conflicts peacefully.

1. Stop being restrained in relation to the child and openly show love, while not depriving the crumbs of independence.

1. Organize your child's leisure time. Fill his day with good impressions. Provide the crumbs with coloring books, pencils, plasticine. Let him do more.

1. Accept the child for who he is and do not demand that he behave like a man / hero / smart / good girl.

1. Do not force the baby to communicate with children if he does not like them.

1. Do not laugh at the child if he is afraid. Take your fears seriously and don't downplay them.

1. Keep your emotions under control.

1. Try to restrict less.

How to deal with children's fears?

conversations. Communicate more with the baby, ask questions. If the baby does not want to answer, then try to approach from the other side. Try to have the baby open up to you as often as possible and talk about his fear. Then this fear will decrease.

Drawings. Ask the child to draw what he is afraid of. Next, to get rid of this childhood fear forever, tear the drawing together or burn it. Make sure that the child stops being afraid (this will be expressed by his smile). If the fear has not diminished, paint over and over again, adding colors and small details. You can attach bows or other funny elements to a scary monster. When fear becomes ridiculous, it cannot have a negative impact.

The writing. Ask the baby to come up with a fairy tale about his fear. It is best if you compose it together and then draw it. Fighting children's fear with this method is very entertaining. The ending must be positive. For example, your baby in the form of a superman defeats a negative character.

skits. How to deal with children's fears effectively? You can (as in the previous tip) play with a fictional story. Try playing with role reversal. When the baby plays his own fear, he will no longer be afraid of him.

Bathing for the little ones. To overcome the childish fear of a newborn, try bathing him in herbs. Water perfectly washes away bad mood in young children. Also the best medicine there will be an offer of breasts and a distraction with a toy.

Fear of the dark. If the child is afraid of the dark, you should not act on the contrary and force the baby to look fear in the eye. So you will only harm him. Speak fear, leave a nightlight or dim light, put a toy next to you, and kiss before bed.

Fear of bad grades. Tell your child that despite the bad grades, you still love him. To overcome such a childish fear, just parental love is enough.

sand games. Playing with sand is very soothing, so invite your little one to paint with sand. This activity will strengthen the nervous system and allow the baby to get rid of childhood fear.

Music Healing. Classical melodies are known to harmonize and relax. Turn them on at home as often as possible, then gradually the condition of the crumbs will even out. If you don’t like the classics, then you can fight children’s fear with the help of nature sounds or ethnic instruments.

modeling. Plasticine modeling helps to get rid of children's fears. This method is good if your child does not like drawing. Let the baby blind his fear, and then roll it into a ball.

Sports and dancing. You can fight any childhood fears with the help of movement. Give the baby to the dance or martial arts. Diversity and a new team will help dispel all fears.

Noisy games. The more often you let your child run, frolic, scream and knock, the better. This gives vent to negative emotions, and your baby ceases to be very afraid of anything.

Friends. Never limit your child's interactions with peers. How to deal with children's fears, if not in this way? Feeling himself in his environment, it is easier for the baby to overcome all the hardships of life.

Try to pay attention not only to the fight against fears, but also to their prevention. Never intimidate a child with doctors and policemen. Read good stories to him and let's be ourselves. Then it will not be difficult to overcome any children's fear.

The consciousness of a child up to 5 years old is similar to that state of adults when you wake up in the morning and still do not have a very clear idea of ​​where the dream is and where the reality is. In the same way, kids intertwine fairy tales, cartoons and everything that actually happens around in their world. As a result, in the head of children 2-5 years old with a rich imagination - and even more for those who are too familiar with the TV and computer games- settle whole Monsters, Inc.

Very young children usually meet fairy-tale creatures in their dreams, but those who are especially impressionable may get scared while reading a fairy tale or watching a cartoon. Most often, the fear of fairy-tale characters appears after 2 years, when the child's psyche becomes complex enough for this, and the baggage of fantastic images has already accumulated. And the heroes of fairy tales "come to life" for the child and become part of his children's world.

First in scary dreams traditional images of the Wolf, Koshchei, Barmaley come, as well as their modern counterparts from numerous cartoons, which the kid by this age already has time, oddly enough, to see if adults consider this acceptable - in a word, they are the first to appear male characters. If such creatures dream too often, then most likely the baby has a difficult relationship with his father - dad is too strict, quick-tempered, or too distant from the child, whom he considers still too small to spend much time with him.

Babai- a mysterious creature in the form of a scary old man who scares children.
“Bai-bai-bai-bai, the evening Babai came. Babai came in the evening, asked: "Give Lenochka back." No, we won’t give Lena, we need Lena ourselves.”
The name "Babai" apparently comes from the Turkic "baba", "babay" - an old man, grandfather. This word (perhaps as a reminder of the Tatar-Mongol yoke) denotes something mysterious, not quite definite in appearance, undesirable and dangerous. In the beliefs of the northern regions of Russia, Babai is a terrible, lopsided old man. He roams the streets with a stick. Meeting with him is dangerous for children.

By age 3-4 years appear and various female characters: Baba Yaga, witch, sorceress, etc. Their too frequent presence in the dreams of a child speaks of problems in relations with his mother.

Yaga- a pan-Indo-European goddess. Among the Greeks, it corresponds to Hekate - the terrible three-faced goddess of the night, witchcraft, death and hunting. The Germans have Perkhta, Holda (Hel, Frau Hallu). The Indians have no less terrible Kali. Perkhta-Holda lives underground (in wells), commands rain, snow and the weather in general, and rushes, like Yaga or Hekate, at the head of a crowd of ghosts and witches. Perkhta was borrowed from the Germans by their Slavic neighbors - the Czechs and Slovenes.

However, not all fantastic creatures scare children only at night: at about 4-5 years old, at the peak of imagination, they “come out of the dusk”, and the baby can be scared even during the day.

The listed characters most often reflect the fears or alienation of parents from children. Strict, tough, emotionally cold parents, who despise such "weaknesses" as pity, sympathy, are associated in the child with evil, threatening fairy-tale characters.

- Mom, don't yell at me like Baba Yaga!

- She is very scary and angry, like Baba Yaga!

Fairy-tale characters appear in the imagination of children who are afraid of being punished, because in fairy tales, as you know, Baba Yaga takes away naughty children for reprisal. Fear of punishment is mixed with fear. The stronger the child is emotionally attached to the mother, the brighter these fears manifest themselves. If the mother is not able to give spiritual warmth to the child, then emotional attachment becomes pathological, developing into emotional dependence in the future. Undoubtedly, we are always to a certain extent dependent on those we love, complete emotional independence means the complete absence of attachments, deep feelings, which in itself is a serious problem. However, emotional dependence, which has roots in childhood, can destroy the personality and even lead to suicide.

What to do when a child is afraid of fairy-tale characters?

1. Fear of fairy-tale characters - these are age-related fears characteristic of children from 3 to 5 years old, with age, these fears disappear. Have you seen adults who are afraid of Baba Yaga, Koshchei, etc.?

2. You can draw the one whom the baby is afraid of, and then give the creature his portrait to appease and make friends. But you can, and vice versa, arrange a solemn break drawing into small pieces. To understand which tactic to choose, ask the child what he would like to do with the picture.

3. All fears have one feature, including the fears of fairy-tale characters. While the fear is “invisible”, the child does not talk about it, it seems frighteningly huge to the baby, but as soon as the child has voiced it, said it, named it, the fear begins to decrease. It is important to help the child speak.

4. Fear is often provoked by parents who, carried away by the expressiveness of speech, artistically voice the role of the Wolf, forgetting about the little listener. A child may be frightened not by a character, but by the intonation that accompanies his actions. Therefore, be careful when choosing a fairy tale and when telling it. You should not read "terrible" bedtime stories (for example, "Bluebeard") to impressionable children. For sensitive children, the best medicine is good fairy tale, composed by mom or dad, where the child himself is easily guessed in the hero and his actions.

5. The best way to stop being afraid is to make evil funny. Indeed, today Baba Yaga is more of a comic heroine. In the Soviet cartoon about the adventures of brownie Kuzi, based on the fairy tale by T. Alexandrova, Baba Yaga is just a household housekeeping grandmother. In every fear, one should try to help the child see the funny. For example, imagine and draw Baba Yaga, who is trying on some ridiculous costume for her (a firefighter, a diver) and is going to go to a festive carnival.

6. Empathizing with the heroes, children can respond to their fear by playing the roles of various characters: the Wolf, grandmother, etc. The best effect is given by this technique: first, the child plays the role of the one who is afraid (Little Red Riding Hood), then the one who is afraid (Wolf) , and then the one who is not afraid of anything (Lumberjack). You can play like this on the example of any fairy tale.

7. What seems rational to us adults only reinforces the child's fears. An honest “male” conversation with a son that there can be no Barmaley in a dark hallway under a bedside table is absolutely meaningless, since the child perceives and is afraid of the heroes of fairy tales as real personalities. Try to understand and accept the feelings and experiences of the child, talk to him about his fears:

- I see that you are afraid of this monster, let's go together and drive it away.

Kissing, relaxing and light massage at night is the best way to calm the baby.

8. You can come up with a child "magic" wordsguarding him. You can find a toy friend who is not afraid of anyone. Then the child will feel more secure.

9. You can play a fairy tale with your child or play with toys a story about how an evil creature made friends with a boy or girl and became tamed, became good, or come up with a variant of a battle and victory over a formidable monster (this is not so constructive, but sometimes the idea of ​​​​friendship is found by a child in bayonets).

What can't be done?

Use the monsters to your advantage. In no case do not intimidate the child with them, not with his fears - with this you will not achieve special obedience, and fix fears in the child's soul for a long time. A child with a stable psyche will simply stop believing in you. But an impressionable, nervous baby will remember your words for a long time, and in the near future you will face a new problem - the need to treat fears and even neurosis.

Telling the child that at any moment a creature may appear that will take him, the opposite, you tell the baby that there are forces in the world that can, with impunity and without hindrance, make him feel bad, hurt and scared. In this case, everything will happen with the tacit approval of mom and dad.

Sources: N. Tsarenko "We read the thoughts of our children",
E.I. Shapiro “If a child has fears…”

Natalia Tsarenko "Reading our children's minds" To buy in Labyrinth.ru To buy in Ozon.ru

Toddlers aged 4-6 years old are filled with emotions and often intertwine reality with fairy tales, cartoons and their own fictions in their world. They already express their feelings in words, establish a number of ethical categories and know how to spend some time on their own. A rich imagination causes the appearance of fictional monsters.

How scary fictional characters are formed

Most often, the heroes of fairy tales "come to life" in kids in a dream. The older the child becomes, the more complicated the psyche is, by the age of four a whole baggage of fictional images accumulates.

The first to appear are those heroes that children encounter in fairy tales and cartoons every day: the Gray Wolf, Koschey, Bluebeard, Barmaley. Oddly enough, but among the frightening characters there are more male heroes. This is due to the fact that the father is at some distance from the baby, unlike the mother.

A little later, female characters are added: sorceresses, witches. Sometimes you can hear an open reproach from a child: “Mom, you are angry like Baba Yaga.”

Reasons for the fear of mythical heroes

Children's fears are not born in a vacuum. The monsters hiding under the bed and in the closet are, first of all, the mistakes of parents, the inability to listen and hear the baby, the lack of the proper amount of love and care.

In order for the fight against fears to be most successful, one should begin by eliminating their causes:

1. Remove intimidation in any form

In order to achieve obedience, some parents use incorrect images in communication, for example: “Now I’ll cut off your ears” or “If you behave badly, I’ll give it to the Gray Wolf.” For an adult, these are ordinary figurative expressions, and the child immediately turns on his imagination and imagines himself without ears or in the arms of an evil beast.

Try to follow your speech and say only what can cause positive emotions in the baby, so that sooner or later he does not wake up from a nightmare and rush into your bed screaming.

2. Deprive you of watching scary movies and fairy tales

Often parents, watching a horror movie, forget about the presence of the child, or deliberately do not pay attention to him, being convinced that he is passionate about the game. The kid cannot devote all his time to one process, even when the toy is interesting to him, he is distracted and “snatches out” the horror scenes with his eyes.

The selection of films and fairy tales should be more thorough. Parents are obliged to remember that the child's psyche is fragile, and therefore the child, even by chance, cannot become a witness to violence and nightmares.

3. Replace punishment with friendly conversations

Punishing the baby with a “corner” in a dark or semi-dark room, adults run the risk of developing in the child not only fear fictional characters, but also related fears: fear of the dark, confined space, loneliness.

Children who are afraid of being punished much faster in their imagination reproduce the evil Baba Yaga or Koshchei, who take the naughty baby into their possession.

4. Eliminate the emotional distance of parents from children

All fictional characters have common features: deceit, callousness, greed, aggression. When a father or mother begins to get angry, the child transfers the image of a terrible hero to them and psychologically begins to defend himself and become alienated.

You can't leave him like this. The task of parents is to give the baby emotional protection, to get close enough so that the feeling of danger does not arise. This is especially true for the father. A confident, always calm and loving parent will be able to stabilize the state of the crumbs, become an example of fearlessness and independence.

5. Give your child enough love

Lack of love for the baby occurs in cases where adults were expecting a baby of the opposite sex. The same lack of affection is experienced by children of strict and despotic parents. The child may not show obvious signs of fear, but during the game begins to panic fear of scary characters.

An excessive outpouring of signs of love and guardianship is also undesirable - the baby gradually realizes his defenselessness in front of the outside world, especially at times when he is left alone.

6. Improve relationships between adults

Frequent family scandals, difficult moments in communication between parents form indecision, constant doubts. The baby may develop suspiciousness and anxiety.

If ordinary fears can be fought with the help of logic and rationale, then fictional ones require a special approach and professionalism. Usually, babies outgrow this fear safely. But what to do when a child is terribly afraid of a fictional character?

Among the most popular methods of struggle are:

1. Fairy tale therapy

Through a fairy tale, you can ask the kid to be in the place of the one who is afraid of the monster, then take the place of the most evil character, and, finally, play the one who is never afraid of anyone at all and defeats the terrible hero at the end.

2. Isotherapy

Drawing fears is a good technique for children of any age. By voicing his fear and drawing it, the child can always turn the monster from nightmares into a funny character, which eventually ceases to be afraid.

3. Play therapy

But conversations that the fear of the child arose from scratch, at this age useless.

Where to go if the problem is not solved

Even considering the fact that the fear of fictional characters disappears with age, treatment should not be delayed. In order to prevent the development of neurosis in a baby, it is better to contact professionals as early as possible.

A child psychotherapist will reveal the true cause of fear, select the most gentle methods of getting rid of fears.

Many parents are concerned about the appearance of fears in the child that prevent him from developing normally and spending his leisure time. Fear is a defensive reaction, and it is not necessary to completely get rid of it, it is even impossible. While a clear framework of behavior has not been established in the psyche of the baby, he protects him from unpleasant consequences. For example, the fear of animals will protect the child from rash games, because if it hurts to pinch a dog, it can bite or scratch.

The same goes for the fear of heights. If a child is too safe at a huge height, no railing will protect him from falling. But at the same time, pathological phobias that do not perform any useful function, but simply prevent him from developing normally, should be corrected.

There are a number of inspired fears that are not supported by any dangerous factor. For example, the fear of scary characters from fairy tales. When telling children bedtime stories about the evil Baba Yaga, you should think about how the child will react to them. For a vulnerable child's psyche, a fairy-tale character is a powerful force that should definitely be feared.

Very often, due to fears, the child begins to slow down in psychomotor development, begins to pee in bed. Phobias can provoke a deterioration in the functions of the speech apparatus and even stuttering. Therefore, if a child suddenly begins to show complaints of fear of something, one should take this very responsibly.

Fears are different, their manifestations can significantly worsen the lives of children. For example, the fear of losing loved one is able to take control of the psyche so much that the child will refuse to go to kindergarten, school, and every time he leaves the house will be accompanied by prolonged tantrums.

In some cases, childhood fears remain for life if they are not identified and eliminated in a timely manner. In adulthood, they significantly affect the social adaptation of the individual, creating unnecessary problems in routine matters.

The main reasons for the development of fears in children

Every fear has its cause or reason. A child very rarely can fully invent for himself what to be afraid of. Often fear is a transformation of what is heard or seen, which is considered only from a negative side. What the baby has heard or seen is complemented by a vivid and rich children's imagination and creates a full-fledged image of fear.

The reasons can be divided depending on the factor that provoked the formation of fear:

• Negative characters from fairy tales. The feeling of fear in children can be formed on the basis of the transformation of negative characters in cartoons and fairy tales. If this fictional character is described as strong enough, the kid may be afraid that the fairy tale will come true. Fairy tales are created so that the child tries on the role of a brave hero who accomplishes a feat, or a beautiful princess whom everyone admires. In a fairy tale, everything is simple and the positive hero easily copes with the negative one, but, projecting the role onto himself, the child evaluates his real chances and begins to be afraid of meeting him.
• Punishment is not a way to control or learn. Very often, parents use punishments to "acquaint" children with the rules of this world. Constant prohibitions with an endless tirade of "don't do this, don't do that" significantly enclose children's space for action and limit their ability to explore the world. Over time, whatever the child does, he does it through fear of being punished. The constant feeling of threat provokes an alarming background, which is very unfavorable for the full and harmonious development of children.
• Seen images of threat or violence. If a child accidentally witnessed unpleasant pictures where a person harms another person, he will remember this for a long time. If he saw a picture of violence or a threat to the life of a loved one, including one of his parents, he will remember it for the rest of his life. Often, after this, fears of losing a loved one appear, and the child is unimaginably afraid that this will happen again. For him, the image of love and the closest in life are mom and dad. If the child's psyche draws a threat to the closest that the child has, then the fear of loss will be the predominant feeling for him.
• Bitter experience. It is not very typical for children to step on the same rake. If in the past there were unpleasant situations associated with a certain factor, very often the child will be afraid of him and even transform his fear into a long-term fear. This mechanism works even for simple examples, for example, the gap in the door where he pinched his finger. It is likely that he will bypass it on the tenth road. More serious fears are associated with more significant trauma or stressors. For example, if the dog scared the child by barking or even attacked him. In this case, a persistent fear of this animal will form, and it will be very difficult for the baby to be near him.

The causes of fears in children are combined with the wild imagination and impressionability of the baby himself. If for him fiction is a common activity, then the fear will be quite long and persistent.

Important! For the full development of a child without fear, one should read fairy tales with a good ending and a positive plot.

Signs of fears and phobias in a child

The easiest way to notice a child's fear is when he himself says it. If the baby is sufficiently closed in himself and is afraid to even talk about what worries him, finding out if he has phobias will work out only by indirect signs.

The problem of fears in children is seen in a change in their behavior, strange requests that have never happened before. Attentive parents will almost immediately notice the first signs that the child is afraid of something. Depending on the type of fear and the object of fear, this or that behavior will manifest itself.

Common signs by which you can suspect the presence of a phobia in a baby:

1. The child talks about what he is afraid of or he is afraid of something. Sometimes recognition can come after a long period of trying to deal with the fear on your own.
2. His behavior changes, he becomes more withdrawn, refuses to do routine things (for example, the fear of being alone provokes panic when everyone leaves the room).

Children are characterized by several types of fears that they face during the period of growing up and learning about the new world. Everyone tends to develop after a trigger or with a sensitive personality.

Very often, children's phobias result in terrible dreams that repeat over time. They are emotionally exhausting, and the child practically trembles even at the mention of any factors related to his fear. Dreams can be the first step towards the development of a full-fledged phobia, which very often remains for life.

For their own protection, children often create imaginary friends for themselves, endow them with superpowers and sincerely believe that they will protect them. Such a mechanism stands guard over the child's peace of mind, and it cannot be destroyed just like that. You must first get rid of the phobia, and then the need for imaginary friends will disappear by itself.

If the baby is overreacting to emotional factors, often cries or gets angry, which means that he is quite vulnerable to manifestations of childhood phobias. At its core, this is a way to deal with misunderstanding of some things and phenomena in this world. If a child does not know something, it means that it can be a threat - impressionable personalities follow exactly this principle.

Types of fears in children

An emotionally unstable child reacts in a special way to what is happening. Something that an adult has long been accustomed to, and that does not cause him concern, can turn out to be a complete shock for the child's psyche, which will form a stable phobia. Depending on what situation has become a shock for the baby, such fear appears. The more emotional he is, the brighter the manifestations of such fears will be.

Consider the main types of fears in children:

• Fear of death. This fear can concern both the child himself, who is afraid for his life, and his parents and relatives, because they are the most valuable thing he has. It is quite normal for adults to perceive the change of generations, aging and the process of dying. Every person in adulthood fully and completely accepts the inevitability of the future and learns to live with it. To learn to a child that someday there will be no parents, relatives, and even himself, at a very young age, is often unbearable for the child's psyche. The fact of any inevitability, especially such a fatal one, is hard to perceive. Therefore, you should talk with the baby about this and, if possible, avoid attending the funeral. Often visual images can be more stable than verbal attitudes. They can provoke dreams and vivid phobias.
• Fear of punishment. Often it is associated with special conditions for raising children in the family. If a very important role in the pedagogical process is played by punishment for wrong actions, then the whole world of the child revolves around what needs to be done so that he is not considered guilty. The fear of being unworthy of their parents arises, self-esteem decreases. Such children, even in the absence of physical punishment, can show such fears, because their greatest fear is not pain, but the fact that their parents will be unhappy with them.
• . He is entirely provoked by the telling of impressionable tales. Negative characters are introduced into them only to show how good always triumphs over evil. That is why it is impossible to focus on negative characters. The impressionable psyche and the violent fantasy of the child will instantly draw in the subconscious the terrible Baba Yaga or the Serpent Gorynych. Often for a kid in fairy tales, far from positive heroes win. That is why one should focus on kindness and the good side of the fairy tale, on positive characters and on the invariable victory of good.
• Fear of the Dark. This type of phobia can be associated with others, including the previous ones, or develop independently. This is often the most common type of fear. An impressionable baby can easily imagine in the dark any monsters and monsters that can only be imagined. The child develops a feeling of fear in any stressful situation. Often the role is played by moving to new house or a new room where you have to spend the night alone. Sometimes such a phobia is provoked by watching a movie with bloody scenes or horror, because they are not intended for children.

How to overcome fear in a child

The best way to deal with children's fears is to prevent them from appearing, to explain to the child in time everything that causes fear in him. If fear still appears, you should help the baby get rid of it.

Many parents are wondering how to overcome the fear of children, because their psyche is not yet able to steadfastly withstand external stress factors, and most importantly, how not to let it go into adulthood person.

There are several ways parents can help their child cope with fear:

1. Remove the stressor. Of course, if possible, you can remove the provocative factor that launched the process of forming a phobia. For example, if a child is terribly afraid of some thing or punishment, you should remove it and start basing your upbringing on other things. Ideally, for such a child, parenting should be based on rewards rather than punishments. One should not threaten any negative consequences in case of disobedience or evasion of one's duties.
2. Talk. You can help a child with a phobia with the help of a regular parental conversation. It is necessary to understand his fear and find exactly what caused it. For example, if a negative character from a fairy tale scared you, you should tell a more believable happy ending to the baby and explain that fairy tales always end well and nothing threatens him.
3. Safety. The second thing a child with a phobia will want to feel is the certainty of safety. You should often hug him and show care so that he feels that he is not alone. Excessive repulsion and emphasis on independence in this case can only aggravate the condition of the baby.
4. Positive. If you get to the bottom of the origin of phobias, they are an emotional manifestation of something bad. Against this background, anxiety develops - a constant feeling of the approach of what the child is afraid of. In this state, he will very soon close in himself and give out depressive or hysterical manifestations. You should take it and show that you can get a lot of goodness and joy from life without focusing on your fears.

How to overcome fear in a child - look at the video:

If the fear has a fairly persistent form and is not corrected, you should contact a specialist. An experienced psychiatrist or psychotherapist knows how to rid a child of fears.

We continue answering your questions from the previous survey:

I am worried when my daughter watches some kind of cartoon, for example, "Luntik" and something negative happens there or someone has done something or broken, spilled, etc. Or if someone scolds someone, then she immediately does not want to watch it, she comes to me and lies on her knees, closing her eyes, and if I do not immediately turn off this cartoon, she may cry. We are 1.9 months old, she only watches cartoons appropriate for her age and educational cartoons. I don’t understand why she is so upset and how to explain to her so that she doesn’t react so sensitively to this, because life is even harder ... I never yell at her, let alone beat her, she’s smart and that’s all understands, just raise my voice a little and that's it, we find compromises with her. Thank you in advance! Elena

good day, Elena!

Good question, thanks for it! Many mothers raised it too. Once I answered a question similar to yours: "" - you can also read at this link.

Now let's take a look at the current situation.

Any cartoon carries a strong mental energy, embodied in images and expressed in their dynamics. Only depending on the genre and theme, this energy can be different: both creative, encouraging some new discoveries in the world around us and especially in the world of relations between the main characters, and destructive, which is clearly manifested in some negative moments. plot (disputes, quarrels, fights, resentment, fear, etc., etc.).

What happens when we let kids watch cartoons?

First you need to remember that the perception of the plot in a TV show and from books in the smallest children (under 3 years old conditionally) differs greatly from the perception in senior preschool (5-7 years old), school age (after 7 years old), and in an adult.

talking plain language, many babies up to 3 years old when they see some kind of cartoon, they hear remarks between characters from cartoons or books read by their mother, they often identify with the main characters of the plot with all their heart. Like it's happening to them. Only video brings stronger contrast and effect. It’s one thing when you hear your mother read: “... an egg fell and broke ... grandfather is crying ... a woman is crying ...” and another thing when you see a real incident with a broken egg on the screen, grandparents cry , their tears in three streams ...

In both cases (video and reading), the child mentally relates himself to the characters and tries on their feelings on an unconscious level...
And if he understands that he DOES NOT WANT, for example, “grandfather and woman to cry, and the testicle to break,” he will worry, regret and even cry, refusing to listen / look further.

A simple example from life. You must have noticed. It is worth one child to cry, the rest of the kids can follow him, “roar for the company”))) They are so close they are able to accept the feelings of another, feel them on themselves. Psychic synergy, in a word.

Another example familiar to mothers. Have you ever had such a thing that your soul is full of discord, you want to naturally howl from resentment towards someone or something. You try to restrain yourself, despite the fact that you want to cry, sit alone - and go to the unsuspecting baby.
And he? In contact with you, so tense and "wooden", feeling the impending "cloud" on the mental level, the baby feels the need to defuse this situation. How? Reciprocal crying and whims. It’s as if he thinks: let’s cry together, let’s play a prank and it will become easier!)))

This mental connection, using simple examples, helps to understand what happens when such a baby watches a cartoon in which there is a lot of communication and contact of the main characters with each other.

If you take “Luntik”, the plot there is quite dynamic: Luntik has many adventures that lie in wait literally at every step from birth. He and his friends sometimes quarrel, then reconcile. Someone does dirty tricks, someone is very offended by everyone, someone jokes, someone works, someone is infantile, and someone teaches mentoring.

Understanding these relationships is not easy even for older children, and kids simply absorb every act. They do not yet know how to critically analyze, so far they simply accept what is happening on the screen "as is". And they feel like it's all happening to them.

Concerning children over 5 years old. For them, the relationship between the characters becomes more meaningful. They follow the plot with interest, they know how to separate themselves from the main characters in the sense that they do not become “on the same level” with them. And, at the same time, they are able to draw parallels between the hero they like and themselves, to play this image to choose from, becoming, for example, either a fairy Fairy, or a powerful queen, or Superman, or the Wally robot, or a brave conqueror of distant lands ...

What about adults, I think we understand everything)). We perceive cartoons as a fairy tale-entertainment, in some cases, as a cognitive and developmental element for a child, and also (most often) as one of the options to have a good time watching the hero we like. And don't forget to teach your kids from time to time. clever words, like "this is what happens if ..." then insert what is spinning on your tongue.))

There is also more important point to which I would like to draw your attention. In addition to the age of the child, we take into account his mental readiness. To make it easier to understand what I mean, just remember that there are very sensitive and vulnerable children (I conditionally call them “thin-skinned”), and there are simply “thick-skinned”. It's a type of temperament, type nervous system in a particular child determines his most common reaction to some event.

In this case, Elena, it is very possible that your daughter belongs to the "thin-skinned", she is sensitive to conflicts, to dynamic, expressively expressed emotions. While it is small, it is recommended not to overload it with strong impressions, let your principle be "gradually and smoothly."

With age, the daughter may acquire a little more “thickness” - just let it not be a forced breakthrough based on breaking natural sensitivity, but a natural one that transforms under the influence of various everyday situations. Just as a young tree at the stage of a tender sprout is protected from strong winds, and as the roots, trunk and crown grow and strengthen, such guardianship is no longer relevant. Your daughter will grow up to be sensitive and emotionally stable at the same time.

I wish you joy and wisdom in communicating with your daughter!

Dear mothers, fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, if you have any thoughts on this topic - write in the comments, I will read them. If you liked the article, I will be glad if you click on the buttons of social networks at the very bottom of the article and share it with your friends. Thank you!